MUSK BUYS DISNEYLAND!

In a move that surprised the tourism industry, entrepreneur Elon Musk has completed a hostile takeover of the “Happiest Place on Earth.”

Musk says his focus will be on Tomorrowland. “After all,” he said, “I am from the future.” Frontierland will be converted to a solar and wind farm, which will provide the park’s electricity. “It was between that and Adventureland, but I still get a kick out of the Enchanted Tiki Room. I’ve been missing seeing birds tweet lately, I guess.”

The energy savings will allow Musk to reduce to price of tickets to the park by 80%, though parking fees for gas-powered cars will now be $1000 a day. Teslas, however, will park free.

Some were disappointed to learn that the park’s nightly fireworks will be discontinued, but Musk hasn’t neglected those wishing to gaze skyward. “Each night sky will be filled with a mesmerizing performance of Starlink satellites.”

Here are just some of the newly modified attractions at Disney-Elon-Land.

TESLA-AUTOPIA Autopia was always a favorite among young visitors craving to get behind the wheel of a car. But kids were in for a surprise when they got behind the wheel of their miniature Tesla roadsters.

It turns out that self-driving cars were not the hit Musk thought they would be. “I guess sitting in a car with nothing to do isn’t going over too well with the kids.” The most common reviews were bored and angry cries, “Are we there yet?!!”

SPACE-X MOUNTAIN

On the first day of operation, hundreds of children and adults lined up for hours to try Musk’s exciting new Space-X Mountain attraction. But the line wasn’t budging. As the day went on, demand for the ride lessened as those waiting learned the ride to Mars takes seven months each way to complete. Express passes are available, though, for those who prefer to wait that time at the front of the line.

ELON STARTS A TREND

More billionaires quickly snapping up their own amusement parks.

Not to be left out of a large segment of the Southern California entertainment industry, prominent billionaires have begun purchasing their own amusement parks.

Jeff Bezos purchased nearby Knotts Berry Farm, though it’s currently available only to Amazon Prime customers.

Mark Cuban has purchased SeaWorld, however the inhabitants of his newly installed Shark Tank have consumed many of the other sea animals.

Unable to find an available remaining amusement park, Warren Buffet went ahead and bought another insurance company, which he said will be available to vacationers. “There’ll be no end of entertaining experiences,” he said. “Visitors can enjoy hours of life insurance sales pitches, claim adjustments, not to mention some pretty captivating actuarial tables.”